Sunday, July 10, 2011

a better understanding.

i wanted my first post to be something special.  so here it is.  i am adopted.  everyone pretty much knows that.  except one of my best friends, Alan Williams, found out that i was adopted after he had known me for six months.  i am still shocked that he didn't know before.  i've always wanted to meet my birth mom.  why, you ask?  so that i can give her a big hug and say thank you.  if that would be all i could do, i would do it in a heartbeat.  my parents wanted me to wait untill after graduation to meet her.  so i did.  when graduation was coming close, i reminded my mom that i want to meet my birth mother and asked her to get things figured out with her.  So my mom sent my birth grandmother my graduation announcement and a letter saying that i would like to meet my birth mom, and if she was interested, to have her email us.  So the very next day, after receiving the letter, my birth mom email my mom back.  in the email she said that she wants to meet me and that she can't wait and has so many emotions and feelings.   it was a sunday night when i was at Alan's and i got a call from my dad.  typical, he asked me what i was doing and when i'd be home.  i told him i would be home after our movie was over.  he told me that i might want to come home soon cause we have to schedule something.  i knew right then what he was talking about.  so i then went on explaining to Alan what i thought my dad was talking about.  Alan had the most confused look on his face.  he didn't know i was adopted! i was shocked. i tell him everything. but apparently not. cause he should know that, he knows everything else about me. he told me to go home so that i could figure things out.  i went home and my parents told me the good news.  she wants to meet me.  i was so excited. we emailed her back right then with the dates that would work for us.  for the next two days i waited impatiently for an email back.  i constantly asked my mom if she had checked her email yet. i probably got on her nerves, but i was excited and wanted to know when this amazing day was going to happen.  On June 21, i was at Alan's house with the homies and i got a text from my mom saying, email:)  that was it. so i jumped up, kicked Alan in the leg cause i was so excited, and ran outside to call my mom.  we got things figured out and planned for her to come to our house on Sunday June 26.  i told Alan first and of course i called my best friend Kirsten to tell her.  did she answer? nope. cause she was at a cabin in heber for a church thing.  so Alan and i left all the homies at his house and went to Kirst's to wait for her to get home so i could tell her.  honestly, Alan and Kirst are amazing.  i don't know what i would do without them.  They were by my side every second.  they were both so excited for me.  Alan was very overwhelmed himself because he found out i was adopted and that i get to meet my birth mom all in the same day.  overwhelming for sure.  i love these two with all my heart.  i figured that the rest of the week would be the longest week of my life.  it actually flew by.  Sunday came before i knew it.  i was very emotional all week.  Alan helped me so much.  i can't ever thank him enough.  i broke down so many times.  at school, random nights, just cause i was thinking about sunday.. i always had a shoulder to cry on.  i cried cause i was honestly feeling every single emotion possible.  i was excited, happy, scared out of my mind, nervouse, overwhelmed, and every other emotion.  i wasn't sure if this would be a closure thing for my birth mom, or if she would want to start a relationship with me.  i wanted to have a relationship with her.  i was hoping and praying that it could work out.  i didn't want her to come into my life to take over the mother role, but to be my best friend.  Sunday finally came.  i was so nervous all day.  She was coming sometime between 4-5.  i was sitting on my couch shaking, with a nervous stomache ache.  the doorbell rang at about 4:15.  my dad answered the door.  It was my birth mom, Lori.  she walked in and right when we saw each other, we started crying.  we hugged tight for a minute.  then we looked at each other.  she couldn't believe how grown up i was.  we sat and talked for hours.  i was able to ask her questions and she asked me questions.  it was amazing. i fell in love with her as we talked.  she is such an amazing woman.  it takes so much strength and love to give up your child for the better.  something that i will never understand.  i have never once been mad at my birth mom.  so people get mad at their birth mother for giving them up.  but i have always loved her for it.  i know that she wanted to give me a life that at the time she wasn't capable of giving me herself.  i will be eternally grateful for her decision, strength, and love to give me up.  for a 17 year old to make the choice of giving her baby a better life, is an incredible thing to me.  my birth mom is beautiful.  i feel like i have a better understanding of where i come from now.  we have so many similarities.  i couldn't stop staring at her.  we look so much alike.  i love that.  i've always wondered who i look like.  cause i look at my friends and i can tell them that they look like their mom or dad or their sibilings, and i've always wondered for myself.  i actually do kinda look like my mom and dad and one of my brothers.  thats always been interesting.  but now i know.  i am so thankful for the incredible opportunity i had to meet my birth mom.  she gave me everything.  i wouldn't know the people i do now if it weren't for her.  i wouldn't be who i am today if it weren't for her. but now i am happy to say that she can be a part of my life.  she can be to all the important things, like my wedding. whenever that day comes.  i am excited to see where our friendship takes us.  i love you mom.

my birth mom and i :)

birth mom. me. mom.

we look so much alike. i love it:)

birth grandma. me. birth mom.

i love her with all my heart.

she is beautiful.

same height??

we had to measure.

thank you.

i love you.

4 comments:

  1. I cried when you told me in person and cried again when I read it in your post. I love you and couldn't be happier for you, girl!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I love your blog, I cried all over again. Cheers to a longtime relationship! Love Ya Ali!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Not sure if I'm doing this right...guess we'll find out...Lori shared your blog with me...now amazingly awesome! I cried all the way over to your house "that night too" and the "waterfalls" just started again when I read all your comments/feelings. I always wondered if this day would ever come, as well and I am "sooo honored" to have been part of it. THANK YOU...I love you, Ali. Steve & Sherry you are the BEST parents anyone could ask for! Ali you are "beautiful" on the inside as well as on the outside. What a sweet young woman you have become from that little bundle of joy so many years ago.

    ReplyDelete